Bailey Blog

Recently, I’ve gotten slowly back into the routine of cardio and running instead of just lifting weights for workouts. I am also a new reader of the romance- genre. Think of the Sarah J. Maas universe and that’s where my heart has been these last few months. I was goaded into reading the ‘A Court of Thorns and Roses’ series by my sister and devoured them in about three months.

For Christmas, she received a hardcopy set of the ‘Throne of Glass’ series, which meant I also got a set of the TOG series (what’s hers is mine!). That eight book series I inhaled in little less than two months. Reading TOG and ACOTAR was escapism for me. It was exciting, romantic, purposeful, and set my chest on fire imagining these characters and what they could accomplish. What I could accomplish with each of them living in my soul as guides to navigate the impossible.

That being said, when I finished TOG and received the first book of Crescent City, I had to take a pause. I’m still not ready for a new world and I doubt anyone could ever inspire me more than Nesta Archeron or Aelin Galathynius. Through the process of reading the books I have been so inspired to do better and keep fighting as my favorite protagonists did (and, as I like to imagine, continue to do).

So I began moving my body. I started boxing occasionally and HIIT circuit training. Running, hiking, and continuing to lift weights. These last few weeks have been challenging; especially battling the weakness accrued due to my physical stagnation whilst reading in bed for hours on end (which I do not regret in the slightest). And through the internal battle raging in my mind when I wish to quit, stop moving, or turn around, I hear the following lines from my favorite characters on replay in my mind.

In both series, TOG and ACOTAR, Maas has her main characters finding strength and solace in phrases where they are determined to ‘not yield’.

In ACOTAR, Rhysand tells Feyre that she will go in, retrieve someone, and not yield; presumably to whomever she is stealing from. When Aelin is being tortured in TOG, her mother whispers to her ‘do not yield’ and that she will persist and survive.

I repeat to myself, “My name is Bailey [surname], and I will not yield.” When I’m so close to burning out and my stomach is churning, mouth watering, I think, “My name is Bailey [surname], and I will not yield.” When my arms and legs falter and I feel clammy chills on my hot skin, “My name is Bailey [surname], and I will not yield.” Running, swimming, climbing. Gasping for breath, lungs burning. Muscles shuddering, legs shaking, shoulders slumping, sweating running into my eyes, hair tickling my face and tangling down my back, “My name is Bailey [surname], and I will not yield.”

The first time I said it out loud I felt ridiculous and told myself I was stupid. That fantasy characters were cringey and using book language to empower myself was just embarrassing. And then, I got really – and I mean really – mad at myself. I had never allowed myself to use music, movies, songs, or any narrative media to hype myself up.

I always felt it was immature and laughable to emulate someone’s work and childish in the way that imitating your older sibling’s behavior is ‘lame’ when you’re a kid. Go make your own quotes and fail-safes up. Don’t copy a book.

Then I thought to myself, why not? Why not use it for myself? Why not do something that helps? It’s a damn good line and I find power in the phrase. It’s positive and encouraging. No one has to know what I say to myself if I don’t want them to, and, more than anything, it works for me. It keeps me going.

So, I’m decidedly embracing the phrases from the romantasy novels. Why the hell not? They are good books for a reason and it has more to do with the plot of the strong female protagonists than it does with the few sex scenes sprinkled throughout the series. These are strong people who endure unimaginable pain and suffering, and whom persist through it all to make their worlds a better place and come out the other side.

We could all use positive affirmations through the afflictions that inevitably finds us in life every now and again. No matter how cheesy/corny they might seem to the outsiders of our lives. If it helps YOU, who gives a fuck.